GONE

Gone

Day by day I think of you,
How can all of this be true?
I can't believe you're really gone,
Even now, after so long.

Just the thought of you makes me cry,
I never got to say goodbye.
I kept your picture, and every letter,
I don't know if it will ever get better.

I always smell your familiar scent,
It makes me think of all of the times we've spent.
So many things I never got to say,
I never imagined you'd be so far away.
You’ll be my guide and help me see,

I still need you, just to be.

I'll never forget your soothing voice,
I would take your place if I had a choice.

I miss your smile

I miss you smell

I miss your hugs and playful kisses

I wish I could go back and tell you how I felt.

But now I have to let you rest,
Although without you my world's a mess.
At night I miss your thumping music

I miss you, with all my heart,
I wish we never had to part.
I know you're always here by my side,
So now I guess this is my goodbye...

Anonymous

 

Decide already!

GAH! I'm being driven to distraction by the weather! One minute it's snowing the next it is practically a summers morning, much like this morning's 7 degrees!

Well... Last week it was in the minuses again! and then this morning its up to 7! I mean come on, all I'm asking for is a bit of consistency! one day I have to be all wrapped up and the next, well... not so wrapped up. One day we're digging ourselves out of the driveway and the next we're wearing our sunnies in the car!

Today started off well. dry and relatively warm - 7 degrees (which equates to a summer's morning in Edinburgh)
then it decided to rain - not unheard of it is Scotland after all, but then the wind picks up, and I don't have my scarf :/ this doesn't make me a happy person!

However the other day I was wearing a skirt - admittedly with tights- and a short sleeve tee and a short sleeved cardie! and it was fine! like not cold at all! What is up with that.

This is turning into a moan about the crap weather, if I thought about it I could have turned it into a moan about global warming/climate change, but for now I'll stick with less taxing stuff... after all I'm beginning to once again feel my self slipping into a zombie state from lack of sleep!

Any one else found the same thing, or is it just me?

What are your professional goals for the next year?

This came to me the other day, does college and courses count as professional? My guess is that they don't maybe they just count as being Pre-professional?

Anyway back to the question. I was asked yesterday what my professional plans were for next year so I told the young man that I was planning to take a Social Sciences HNC which he frowned upon! I mean REALLY? he said "social sciences are not a real science, they are just people pretending to be intelligent" well now I could not pass up the opportunity to conflict his opinion. Those taking social sciences are doing just the same as those doing real sciences like Biology.Chemistry.Physics. We are finding the cause and effect. The same as them.

Next he said, "so after you have done a pointless course I assume you are going to do a pointless degree?" This was said with a look of cheek, but nonetheless it wound me up!

I told him that if he was going to be so scathing then I wasn't going to take his question seriously! So he apologised and I told him that I was planning to do Psychology at uni and then do my training in Psychotherapy. "HA!" he burst out. "Psychobabble!?"

I turned an walked away.... Shouting "see you in a therapy session" I mean COME ON! why is there such prejudice towards the social sciences. After all psychologists are helpers. Sociologists help us understand our society and Philosophers... well they give us deep meaningful and thought provoking debates.

Belt up people, social sciences is not an easy option!

AV Referendum

This is a debate/topic that has recently been thrown up in the news prior to the coming referendum. So should we stay or should we go?

The current first past the post system means that each candidate votes and the party with the majority of the votes in the constituency wins the seat in Parliament. To win a general election the minimum number of seats needed is 326, this creates a majority and the winning party then form a government. This in comparison to the AV is relatively simple.

Alternative Vote is carried out in a similar way to that of first past the post. Each constituency votes for the candidate they want to represent them, however the votes are counted differently. Instead of a solitary X next to the candidates name, voters are required to list their preferences, putting a 1 next to the candidate they want to represent them, a 2 next to their second preference and so on.
If one party receive a majority of first preference votes, meaning that they are have more first preference votes than the all the others combined then they win the election and form the government. On the other hand, if a majority is not achieved then the second preferences of the party that got the least first preferences are counted. For example if party D got the least amount of first preference votes, then those who voted for them have their second preference counted. This continues until there is a majority.
There are good points and bad points for both systems and at the end of the day the country will decide on the 5th of may how they want the voting system to be. I would lean to wards the Alternative vote system, for the fact that it lessens tactical voting, and eliminates pressure of your vote being wasted. However it is a system that is complex. I feel that the simplicity of the First Past The Post system is good but it creates nasty political campaigns as politicians try to win over a constituency that doesn't particularly vote one way or the other.

What do you think and how do you think the country will vote?

Home sweet Home

What is it about coming home from a long day at work/school/college/whatever you have been up to that is so good? I just love to come home get my jammies on and start to mong, even if I do still have to work!

I love to come in and get into my jammas, have a nice cuppa tea and sort dinner out before hitting the books again, it just makes it so much more relaxing. The perfect night in for me would be to come in get changed order a take out and then flick the news on while I wait. Cuddle up to the dogs and maybe even have a laugh at the expence of small children falling off their bikes on YBF! (im cruel!) So the delivery arrives and I throw on my dressing gown before taming the dogs, more for the sake of my dinner than the delivery man and tuck in to whatever it is that I have ordered. Once I have devoured this I would maybe make another cuppa or maybe something stronger and try find a film or something to watch. Settling in to watch whatever it is I have found, I'd once again snuggle into the dog and more often than not fall asleep, only to wake up and find the dog has finished off my tea or i have fallen asleep wit it in my hand and so it's no longer in the cup, it's all over me, the floor or both.

After cleaning up whatever mess I may or may not have made, I then trundel off to my bed, cursing my self for sleeping before hand and eventually drift off into a sleep where I dream about absolutly nothing :)

What is your ideal home comming? This is just one of mine, there are many others but right now this is the one I want to happen.

Do you miss out because your afraid to loose it all?

It’s not what you’re looking at that matters, it’s what you see...

A question posed in a recent sociology lecture was how many opportunities do we miss because we are too afraid to take a risk? The answer for me was quite simple, too many! Opportunities are right in front of us all the time it’s just a matter of finding them, seeing them and seizing them.

For me, the biggest opportunity of my life so far was moving back to Edinburgh. Being Scottish and always having felt the outsider, I relished the thought of moving back, especially after the turbulent few years that have just passed.

My mother made the decision to move the family (herself, my brother and I) down south, to a place just outside Cambridge, UK just after my father died. Being so young when this took place I would have to say that I have been brought up around Cambridge and it’s really all I’ve known. Of course I knew Edinburgh, I still had the Scottish accent when we first moved ect... but really I only knew of it what little I could remember from early childhood, what little (very little) I’d been told and occasional visits. However I am still Scottish, and am thoroughly proud of it.

The opportunity came after two particularly bad years. Even I, ever the optimist, cannot put a good spin on everything that happened, other than that of hindsight and learned lessons. After moving out at 16 to live with a family friend 30 odd miles away, (who thought it a temporary issue) and getting a job in the local supermarket the move became ever more permanent and therefore created more rifts and misunderstandings, after another turbulent few months, having no other place to turn, came the opportunity that saved the day, week, month year...life?

This opportunity came in the form of my aunty. My dad’s sister. And if I’m honest it was there all along, I just never saw it. This opportunity bought with it many others, the most appealing being the opportunity to wipe the slate clean and re-invent myself.

HOWEVER – Enough of the life story already!

It is this opportunity that I find most rewarding and frustrating! With the advantage of a new perspective and whole new lease of life, I see people all around me stuck in a rut, desperately trying to get out and go places but are held back by fear. I know it is easy to dream of even write of but having done it I can say it is 100% worth it.

I do realise that it is only worth it if it succeeds, and that others have more to lose than I did but really the long and short of it is that you’ll never know until you try.

Do you lie awake at night thinking what if? What if I took off tomorrow and never came back? What if I walked into the office tomorrow handed in my notice and told my boss what I think of him and his team building exercises? Do you lie awake thinking I made the wrong decision? Do you long for independence from parents, the confines of a 9-5 routine or a broken relationship? Wishing things were different. Or do you simply want to break out and do something new? Write a book, build your very own Grand Design, learn a new language, book a random holiday, climb the nearest mountain, I could go on...

Does it ever cross your mind to think of what is stopping you? Not just passing thoughts while day dreaming such as what would the kids say? Or how would I fund it? But really think of what has stopped you from realising dreams ambitions or opportunities? What is it that is really stopping you from coming up with solutions to funding issues or childcare? Is it the same thing that stopped me from grabbing the bull by the horns and telling my mother exactly how I felt?

Is it fear?

After the last few eye opening years, I have come to believe that you should feel the fear and do it anyway! Ironically enough that very belief is in fact the title of a book that caught my eye when I tucked myself into a corner of the library to study a few weeks ago!

First Real Post

Okay so here goes, my attempt at a successful blog! It's 11:59 PM here in Edinburgh and I am still not tired. As I mentioned in the previous and technically speaking 'first post' I'm an insomniac, however right now I'm doing pretty well (5.5 hours sleep last night/this morning). Since I've been up since about 10ish this morning I'm not expecting to sleep for a while (maybe even days) yet. All things like this however I attempt to turn into a positive and tonight that positive is that I can crack on with this and possibly even get my English analysis work done!

Last week's insomnia saw me blitzing my room. So right now I'm sat half way between the kitchen and sitting room tapping away on the key pad... I won't bore any of you with the ins and outs of the house/what I see but its pretty big and kinda house like. This resemblance to a house is the first of it's kind in months, 7 to be exact. Over the last 7 months or so there's been a lot going on in this ranch and it's not been easy! A 30sft extension has been built new kitchen half installed then taken out and then half re-installed only then to be given over to the hands of the lawyers, underfloor heating throughout the whole house, meaning at least two months with no floors, my room has been both habitable and inhabitable several times and is currently habitable but without furniture (other than my new and therefore very exciting wardrobe!). I have slept in almost every room in the house including the garden! and will be overjoyed when it's all over. But hey there is light at the end of the tunnel now at least. 

It's fair to say then it's been anything but pretty, arguments, successes, fails of epic proportions and both tears and laughter along the way, which there has been more of it's hard to say but hey, as long as we're getting to the end of having to constantly hunt for things. It was today, for the first time in 7 months, that I was able to walk into my (empty, other than the wardrobe) room, and retrieve something from the exact spot it should have been in! This was just too good for words. "ahem, SAD!!!" I hear you say, well that's as maybe, but for someone who relishes and has been deprived of order, clarity, cleanliness and all other relative things for 7 months these small changes mean the world! The study is now set up and painted as such, as will my boodwoir be in the next few days and after that, everything should start falling back into place! I can't wait! Don't get me wrong there is still a long way to go, but like I have said, the cup is filling up and soon it won't just be half full, it will be over flowing!!!

Any of you had similar experiences? or do you just identify with the order, clarity and cleanliness? maybe you don't identify with any of it, who knows... Any thoughts?

Who Am I?

Who Am I? 

That is the question that thousands upon thousands of people ask themselves everyday. Be it wanting to "find themselves", being asked your name even making a moral decision you'll ask yourself this question at some point! 

Me? Well I'm an 18 Year old, blue-yellow colour-blind, opinionated, insomniac with Carpal Tunnel syndrome OCD  and almost flat feet! WOW doesn't that sound great. When I put it like that it's quite sad really. However life is not at all shabby! 

I have tried my hand at 'blogging' in the past however I either thought I sounded too immature (like a whining child) or I completely lost interest as it didn't seem to be catching on. However as things are it's something to do with my time when sleep evades me, and as I have tried more than once, some of those OCD tendencies are clinging and really I've just got to crack it! More than anything, I like the idea of being part of the blogging world, sharing ideas with people and having debates that would otherwise not happen in my daily life. 

As my current status is that of a student, I think this blog will vary in content. However I will be blogging about my hobbies, interests, aspirations and the general 9-5. 

I only have one question at this precise moment... Who are you?