What is it? Really?

What is it about the fact that I am colour blind that interests people so much? And why is it that the moment that they realise/find out they pick something up and ask me what colour it is?

I have wondered this for many years now. It's a concept that is highly miss understood by many many people! you say colour blind and they are like, "well how do you know what to wear then?" or "do you see in black and white then?" No is the answer to the latter, and to the former the answer depends on what you want to wear with what, so sometimes with difficulty. The one I get most often is "that can only affect men!" Well I'm living proof that those who think that are wrong! 

Anomalous Trichromacy is a type of colour blindness that is usually inherited and affects men and women equally. This is the type of colour blindness I have. It is otherwise known as blue yellow colourblindness. This means that the cone in the eye that picks up on these two colours is different/ focuses on a different area of the spectrum therefore altering the colour vision.

This obviously leads to problems in life, but here is where the misunderstanding lies. A person unless monochromaticaly colourblind, is not completely deficient of the ability to perceive colour. We just cannot perceive certain colours as well as those with normal colour vision. The severity varies from person to person, but my point is that we CAN still see colour!

Recent evidence has suggested that 'colourblind' people actually have and advantage over those with normal colour vision to a certain extent! We 'blinds' can sometime distinguish better between camouflage colours thus meaning that we are able to spot things in the wild more easily. My question to that is, does that come from the hunter gatherer days??? hmmm....

Any way where as my colour vision might be altered, it also shows in my eyes themselves. (Although I must stress this is not the reason for the colour vision problems)In fact my eyes being gawped at was one of the things that triggered the idea to write about this. It was a few weeks back when passing a stranger in a croweded  corridor. I ended up getting quite flustered! As he squeezed passed, he turned to look at my face, and since this has happened before I closed my eyes. (to avoid these situations at all costs). Any way he picked up on it, stopped walking and started quizzing me about the "black spots" all around my iris, just like my pupil has bled, and the dots all around like little pin pricks. (the pupil hasn't bled, it's just that the irides are slightly different shades (not that I can really tell that well) He asked "what is that in your eye, do you wear contacts?" to which I replied in the negative went to carry on walking when he called out to me to wait. As he came over I saw some one I knew so made my excuses and a quick exit. But no I was once again hollered at and asked about my eyes and told I shouldn't hide them! (which I generally do) but he carried on and said "because you are quite mesmerizing!"

I mean really, this is what I get all the time when I meet new people, and sometimes I wear contacts to cover it up, but come on. It's not that interesting!

So really I am trying to find out why my eyes and colour vision are so interesting to people ? what is it about people's eyes that hold so much importance to us?

This I will leave for you to ponder, but I also hope you have read and understood a bit more about the art of colour vision.... Sensible questions welcome.

What's in my bag?

This has been a feature that I have seen on previous blogs and was one that I used on my old blog too....

It is basically a list of the contents of what you carry around with you! So this is mine for winter, which unfortunatly here in Edinburgh we are unfortunatly STILL experiencing. So here goes.

Although you may think, as I did when I first saw one of these type of posts, that you are not interested you are, stop kidding yourself. The first ever post like this i read beacuse I was extreemly bored! That might be why you are reading this?? But i found once I got into it, that I was taken over by this creepy feeling to "perv" on what strange thing's people carry around with them. Sometimes it's a laugh to think you are walking down the street and people are walking past you with all mannor of strange things in their bags!

I usually carry around a medium to large sized bag since i'm at college, it's kind of a necessity.
- A minimum of two working pens.
- At least one note book/jotter
- A diary (my treasured fileofax)
- Purse
- Keys
- Phone
- Mp3 player/iPod and it's charger
- Whatever makeup I am wearing that day (inc nail varnish) no one looks favouriably upon the chipped.
- Depending on lessons, various other pens and highlighters
- Vasaline/lipsalve (definatly needed in Edinburgh)
- Hairbands and depending on the weather a hat too.
- Anti-bacterial hand gel, and moisturiser so that my hands don't dry out when using the previous.
- Hairbrush
- The equivelant of a small drug store. (Paracetamol, Anti-hisamine for those hayfever sufferers, Cold and flu thingies because you never can be too sure)
- Memory stick, for when a laptop or computer crashes, it's a life saver.
- Eye lash curler (just looking through my bag at this present time)
- I cannot believe that I have gotten this far and forgotten to mention a good book! An essential for anone whose MP3 runs out on the bus!
- Passport, not in everyone's bag, but in mine as a second form of ID. And just incase be, I need to escape the country, always conveniant.
- A mini flash light (on my key ring)
- A pocket mirror
- Tissues!
- An umbrella.
- The perfume I am wearing.
- Chewing gum or polos
- bottle of water.

Okay that was me emptying the contents of my bag. Along the way I found seveal other items, old recipts and used bus tickets, that's just life though.

I have to say that I have recently downsized my bag and all of these things do sitll fit in it which I am happy about. But I mus confess that for the last two days I have been walking around feeling very insecure as I didn't have half the stuff I needed. That is because I gradually build back up what I have in my bag when I change and don't transfer the lot all at once. This has to change though, as today I have forgotten my book and water bottle :( *slaps hand*

But seriously, these items are not just "crap" they are valued and needed! I hate hearing people sniffing and snotting everywhere, always best to offer them a tissue. Did u grab a sticky bun at lunch and never got time to use the loo before the next lecture so now you have sticky hands that are impinging on your ability to write/type? Being able to wash and then moisturise them is a god send! Mobile Phone, Keys and Purse I think are just about the staple in any bag, but an MP3 or a good book are saviours on long bus rides, alongside a hat/hairband for windy days and a lipsalve for those icy mornings!

This is a list that can be added and taken from and the contents of a person's bag normally tells you quite a bit about them! Have a go! It may even lead to you clearing out some real "crap".

Life>As>Me

I Have been up since stupid o'clock this morning and when I first woke up I, quite frankly, could not be bothered. However i dragged myself to the bus stop and waited almost 40 minuets in a freezing bus shelter. during this time I watched my hands slowly change colour and so began to wonder how long it would take for frost bite to set in and how much longer I would have to wait before they dropped off completely!! But then I saw it, the bus came lumbering around the corner and relief flooded through me, my hands were safe, but not for long! I then came to realise that my admittedly failed attempt at keeping phalanges warm had resulted in what I like to call Glass Hand Syndrome - the belief that your hands are so cold, they are frozen into fists and will shatter like a brick through a glass window when you loosen your fist. So after a good half an hour thawing my hands out on the bus ('heater' if you can call it that!) I arrived at college and promptly tripped off the bus, and being only half awake I was extremely luck to have not fallen on my face because it took my brain almost a whole minute to realise that the floor was fast approaching.

I know worse can and has happened but at this point I'm convinced that it is going to be an awful day, start as you mean to go on and all that.... It's now 8:45, I'm heading into the main entrance while deciding that the stairs to the first floor are a hellish idea right now because lets face it, I have already suffered Glass Hand Syndrome and a near fatal fall today, it would be tempting fate to then subject myself to a broken neck courtesy of the stairs. This in mind I take the lift. What can go wrong? Ha! a lot can go wrong, namely getting stuck. So you guessed it.... fortunately the lift got it's arse in gear and within 5 minuets we were on our way again. stepping out of the lift I'm thinking 'Ah, Hell! Today is not looking good and it's only 9 o'clock'. 

As I walk into the room and plonk myself into my seat, I'm told by a friend that all we are doing today is getting feedback on our NAB's (exam) at this I allow myself a groan! How can this be a good omen? On a day that has gotten progressively worse from the moment I opened my eyes this can only spell one word F.A.I.L... 

We are all sat around chatting while the lecturer calls us forward individually to "talk about our results" and then my name is called... Heart thumping, praying for a pass so that I don't have to re-sit and thus revise the dreaded Stratification Theories module I make my way over to face the music. Which at this precise time is like that of the suspense music from jaws. As I sit down I get the "how do you think you've done?" and for the first time this morning I am required to actually think! So much like my computer (which is more like a dinosaur) I leave my brain to warm up and just say "mmm... When I was writing my answer I thought it went okay" Which really means that now thinking back I have no idea what I wrote/you know how well I've done, I'm not about to shoot myself in the foot and say I think I did great when you are about to tell me that I've failed!

I passed! And to my surprise he was pretty "impressed with the content" his words not mine. This it appears has been the turning point in my day, from then on... well it hasn't really gotten any better, the mountain of work that appears to be the size of Aurthur's Seat hasn't magically disappeared but it also hasn't gotten any bigger, and the day hasn't gotten any worse. :) 

I am now faced with the dilemma of what to do with the rest of my day, since my last lecture has been cancelled. Common sense tells me that I should probably try and climb that mountain of work but then again I could easily find things to blog about all day! 

What is Success?

 

How do we know if we have failed or succeeded? Well many people would make a plan and follow it, completion of this plan results in success and lack of completion would suggest failure. But what about deviation from the plan? For example, one of my ambitions in life is to get into university, however I am currently looking at applying for a completely different course to the one I originally intended to apply for. Does this mean that I am not successful? 

My gut instinct (the one I have learned I should always follow) shouts "NO!" but in the eyes of other people the answer is a resounding "YES!" to this my reply is that we are all individuals and so no one person's success is the same as someone else's. A person's success should be measured on a personal basis.  In my opinion success is being happy and content with what you have, but also having goals that you achieve along the way. Once I have achieved all, or most, of the things I wish to, I would class myself as a success. That does not mean to say that at the moment I think I am a failure. 

However in the eyes of other people, namely my parents, this is seen as failure. I have not "found my way to greatness yet" and in there opinion never will. Maybe that is a bold statement, after all that is only my interpretation of their opinion, but getting back to the point success is personal, and just because one person thinks your a failure does not mean you are! 

This comes after a conversation with a friend in the last few weeks. It got me thinking about what it means to be a success. In terms of the general view of success, people I have spoken to seem to believe that success is, earning buckets and buckets of money, having a respectable job, high academic status and achieving/acquiring a family that may or may not be perfect, but nonetheless that you have built up yourself. My response to this is really another question, Is all that actually quite shallow, shouldn't success be something more than material possessions/perceived high status?

What it is that makes someone successful? Would you class yourself a success? Whatever the answer there is always another question... why?

In the 21st century success is measured in a number of ways. What ever it may be to you, success is undeniably a big deal. But why? what is it in human nature that means we feel the need to out do each other and compete? I get that it may originate from primal instincts, survival of the fittest and all that jazz, but in today's society is there really any need for it? Why is success so important?

It is at this point I almost contradict myself, because as I believe that healthy competition is vital for society, the economy and any other related parts, I also believe that people think too much of it, and are constantly measuring themselves and being measures against others. And it is the latter that I disagree with. I find this idea of comparison quite unhealthy. As much as it might be needed for competition to exist in the first place, placing too much emphasis on it takes success from being personal to being commercialised. The idea is then introduced that if you do not have the latest gadget or the latest clothes or the latest trendy look then you are unsuccessful. It is then that I feel people need to step back and ask that question....... WHY? 

For the moment I shall digress. There are both positive and negatives to being 'successful' after all it can open doors and provide life altering opportunity but it can also be the bane of a person's life, it can be the cause of faliure, and it can be the very reason for the break up of that 'successful' family you were working so hard to build.

For me success is personal. It's all about proving to yourself that you are able to over come the obsitales that stand in your way, and acheive what you want to. And if that means that for the time being you are an ugly duckling, just have patience and you will be rewarded with the sweet sent of you flower.

So what is success for you? And why do you want it so badly?

Return

Return

This is another poem inspired by my big brother, this was written more recently. I haven't had the chance to speak it out to people yet, and don't think I will do in the near future (I'm shy about my work, on here I can hide behind the computer) but I know that it is here and that gives me some confidence. 

Looking to an empty void

I cannot see your face

Waiting until I can join

Holding nothing but an ace

Running through the sands of time

For something I can chase

There is nothing I would choose to hold

Nothing but your face.

There is nothing I can say to you

But how it used to be

To joke and laugh and mess with you

You, just you and me.

There’s nowhere I can see you now

You’re nowhere I can see

Everything is locked up now

And it’s you that holds the key.

Return one day with time to tell

What the future has in store

Soothe us with you tales of how

There’s a world beyond and more

Don’t worry us, go on, have fun

Of you we cannot bore.

As long as you have tales to tell

What the future has in store. 

Cheating !

Okay so the next couple of posts are really kind of a cheat. Im getting risd of the other two pages and sticking with the one just now because Im getting really wound up by them. This is therefore a cheat as the next few posts are ones that I have already posted on those pages. Im moving them onto the mainstream page... hope you enjoy them.